Fatigue, food forests, foraging and fabulous flowers.

It's been a hard week. A very very hard week.

But I think we're finally starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Ben did his last full week of chemo, which means we only have two Thursday 'short days' to go. It was heartbreaking for me having to drive him there each day, like a lamb to the slaughter. It's absolutely floored him. He's lucky to get out of bed each day. And I've been doing the equivalent of a single mum and a 'one woman farm'. I'm exhausted, and the cracks in my armor are beginning to show.

Luckily we've had our parents here for the worst weeks, and our new friends have been so helpful! Still, I can't WAIT until he starts to feel better again.   

Cookie: Constant companion.

And summer is finally coming to an end. We're going to have to start doing those Winter preparation jobs, like stock piling firewood and hay, and cleaning the fireplace.



The veggies are starting to go to seed with the end of the season, but the garden is still bountiful. Right now there is still tonnes of basil, plus green capsicums, parsley, lebanese cucumbers, rocket and quite a bounty of Gross Lisse tomatoes, still pale green.







We sadly lost another of the older hens last week. Not to a fox this time, but to some sort of respiratory virus-thing that all the others got and got over. But little old Snuggles just couldn't seem to shake it, and got weaker and more lethargic. She was one of the original hens that were here when we moved in, so god knows how old she was!

Do they all have names? Well, no. But often they name themselves, and we certainly recognise individuals! Aside from Lennon the Rooster, there's Hoppy (was lame, now better), Shiny (Kate's favourite), Patchy (is patchy), Scruffy (is scruffy), Trouble (with a capital 'T') and Walkabout (who is always on her own at the far ends of the farm pecking at something and reluctant to come in for dinner).

We're getting about six eggs a day.



And just LOOK AT KATE'S SUNFLOWERS! Magnificent! Planted herself before christmas and lovingly watered and tended by the Hill Shadow Ferals and all our other insect friends.






I can honestly say that we've discovered chaos is key in the garden! (Ours anyway!). Ours is an ecosystem. The weeds are welcome!: They shade the seedlings, hide the produce, feed the compost, hold the soil together, feed the birds, conserve the water. Insects are welcome!: the bees tend the flowers, the good bugs control the bad bugs. And we plant everything everywhere in every available space: "Wanna feed, Pests? - You're gonna have to find it first...!" It is a veritable food forest!





I also recommend what I've termed "accidental farming". Just seeing what comes up. We've had a tonne of seeds just sprout from our compost or shoot-off from parent plants. Just leave it be - you never know! Some of those have been our greatest producers! Survival of the fittest! (And if it turns out to be a weed, you can always pull it out later!) An example of this was our potatoes: We just decided to leave it be and see... and 'presto'! Accidental Harvest!

Also anything you can forage is GOOD. FREE FOOD = #winning! Just be sure any plants you pick arent sprayed, get permission if you need it, and they are DEFINITELY what you think they are (ie mushrooms - mistakes can be fatal!) We have been harvesting LOADS of blackberries from our thicket (we asked our landlord not to spray them!) and found a rogue patch of mint growing in our gully, which we took a few shoots of and have now established in two big pots by our front door.

One day, Old Man. I will get you out for a ride again one day! x

Now, I best go. Tara's putting stickers on my arms, Kate wants a snack, and there is a suspicious smell coming from Tara's nappy...

And Im gonna cook some bicuits for Kate's lunchbox, cast-on some knitted slippers, and feed the chooks. A farm girl's work is never done! :)

xx

Rejection, regression, refusal, and remoteness.

It's Friday afternoon of Kate's first week of school, and I have committed the cardinal sin of putting on a movie to occupy Kate (Hey it's hot and she's had a big week! Well that's my excuse...) and I'm shirking the washing up/cleaning/cooking in favour of this. Ben and Tara are asleep.

I'm feeling exhausted.

It's been a big week.



Ben has ups and downs, so we really cant plan anything. Most of the time, he's lying down or asleep. So im shouldering much of the driving/organising/parenting/farming/cleaning at the moment. Also I'm getting up in the night to the girls, and getting up with them at 6 or 6:30 each morning. It's full-on. And it's actually a bit lonely. When Ben is not asleep I try to take the girls out to get them out of the way and give him some quiet to work or rest, but it means when I come home, he goes to bed and I start dinner or bath the girls or feed the horse or watch tv on my own.

Kate has handled her first week of school really well and has made a few friends, but it has seen the return of her Encopresis (which I thought she was getting past!) - which if you've never been through it, is just HELL and RUNS YOUR LIFE. We've been battling it for a bout a year and a half now, pretty much non-stop, though over christmas it looked like she was over-coming it: Taking her self to the toilet without prompting and staying clean most days. Then she started school, and BANG. (As if I need that!) I dont really know if it's cureable, but I pray every day that it will be!!! It's just horrible: Disgusting, humiliating, frustrating.

When I'm not dealing with poo inside, I'm dealing with my animal poo outside, and that is the perfect segue to the garden. (See what I did there?)

Look at the corn-babies!

I didn't have much time for the garden this week and last (Ben's full week of chemo), but it has not suffered for it! In fact, the basil and tomatoes have taken over!



And it looks like the capsicums and cucumbers are going to be a success!



No success with the wheatgrass however! Sickly, little shoots or nothing at all! WTF?! I cant win! Oh well, not that it matters - I seem to have jammed part of my new juicer anyway, rendering it useless, until I can work out how to un-jam it.

(It's really been a spectacularly bad week.)



The blackberries are going MAD, which is both good and bad: Bad for the fact that it is a nasty weed, but the fruit has been abundant and has made some great jam and muffins!

Also I grew come tiny stunted carrots (NEVER had success with carrots!) Which the kids liked pulling up and nibbling on anyway.



One other thing that I've found REALLY frustrating this week has come from trawling the internet for animal shelters, looking for a dog to adopt. I really wanted to adopt another dog after Henry. I miss having a dog, and Cookie is very much 'Ben's girl'. So, of course I have been looking at shelters and websites for almost 2 weeks, and let me tell you: The whole process has turned me RIGHT OFF adopting a shelter pet. Which is sad, because I know the idea is to encourage people to adopt rather than buy from backyards or pet shops. But the process is repetitive, intrusive, frustrating, and very expensive!

I have filled in countless forms justifying myself as an intelligent human being. I have given histories of previous animals, estimates of income, details of may daily routine including how much time I am likely to spend away from home, aquiesced to 'home inspections', and most of the time have received nothing but a computer-generated automatic response.

As soon as I say the words 'we have a run, but no fence yet' (My husband has cancer ok?!) and 'small children', I am often instantly dismissed.

And the animals I am deemed not fit to care for are often older dogs - 9 or 10 years old - of questionable breeding, but are still priced at $400 - $1000. (No: Im not kidding). WHERE IS THE INCENTIVE TO ADOPT? Some agencys even had the gall to tell me that "if" I was "shortlisted" they would match "ME" to a dog! Yep - I wouldn't even get to choose!!!

I feel disillusioned, scrutinised, dismissed and frustrated. And sadly, I'm not sure I will continue down the avenue of looking at animal shelters. They seem to have waiting lists and an over-supply of people looking and not that many needy dogs (which is not the impression you get from the media and all these 'adoption drives' etc!). My illusions of going to the RSPCA and walking up and down the line of cages and finding the perfect mate who would jump into my arms and who would become my constant companion for ever seems really far away. Which is sad. Just look at the life we offer:

Yup. Clearly cold, neglected and miserable. (And just look at the TRAUMA life with our young children is bringing her!)

So I'm not sure what will happen from here. I know we have an amazing, loving, experienced home to offer a dog. But unfortunately, we just dont appear that way on an automated pdf form.

The search continues.

Any ideas? Have you ever adopted a shelter dog before? (Did you find the process completely intrusive/impersonal/offputting?!) 

We're not THAT weird are we?!

Dont answer that.

Big love all, have a beautiful weekend. (It's a bad week, not a bad life. This too shall pass.)
xx